Many of us long for true friendship and often we find ourselves broken-hearted when we feel we have been betrayed or abandoned by those who we think are our friends.
Some people only want to be your friend for their own selfish reasons. They are only there for us when it is convenient for them. They only support us when we are being who they want us to be, or doing what they want us to do. Some people use us. They may pretend to have our best interests at heart, but inevitably, when we are no longer serving their selfish motives, they disappear.
True friends are hard to find. When you have someone in your life who you know, from the bottom of your soul, has your best interests at heart, do not take them for granted. Keep them close to your heart and cherish their beautiful friendship.
“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.”
— Thomas Aquinas
True friends may be one of the most amazing things that we get to experience in this beautiful life. But, this is not to say that your untrue friends do not bring value to your life. Everyone is just as far as they are on their journey.
They may not be perfect in our eyes, but they are on their way just like us. Every single person is doing the best they can with what they have. And, after all, this is the best they can do.
If we trust in ourselves and in the universe, we know that everything is working for our good and the good of others. We can trust the process of ourselves, and even of those who hurt us.
We know our higher power will not make waste of these experiences and that, ultimately, even pain helps us grow. So when we go through painful relationships in life, we can use these experiences to get to know ourselves a little better and love ourselves a little more.
We can believe that everything and everyone comes into and out of our lives for a reason. There will, however, still be a time when you must identify that someone’s presence in your life does not serve your highest good. Sometimes it is very painful to accept that a person we love is not good for us and does not deserve a front-row seat in our lives.
If you have that person in your life who leaves you uncertain if they truly care for you, here are a few questions you may ask yourself:
1. Do they cheer for your success, or are they only there when things are going “bad”? We always think that those who are there for us in hard times must be our true friends. But, if they aren’t happy about your success and encouraging when we are doing well, they may not have our best interests at heart. Watch out for the friend who won’t clap when you win !
2. Are you able to set boundaries with them and sometimes even tell them “no”?
A friend who makes you feel guilty for saying no and setting boundaries is not a true friend. A friend who has your best interests at heart wants what’s best for you, even if it doesn’t serve their needs.
3. Do they tell you the truth, even when it’s hard?
A true friend will not co-sign your unhealthy behaviour or bad choices. If you have a friend that’s always rooting for your bad choices and never tells you when you are wrong, they may not care for you as much as you hoped. Real friends tell you the truth, even when it hurts.
4. Do you always show up for them while they leave you in a bind every time you ask for their help? Someone who really cares for you will put in the effort to be there for you when their support is needed, at least as much as they can.
Moral of the story, if you are lucky enough to find a friend who checks on you and wants nothing but the best for you without motives … keep them close, such souls are rare. I am grateful for those special friendships within my life.
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Previously published on Medium at https://medium.com/@helenbarry/true-friends-are-hard-to-find-4ad6f6df40c1
If you enjoyed reading my article ‘True Friends are Hard to Find’ you might also enjoy reading another article ‘‘Life is Short, Live it Now’