The Times You Say Yes When You Mean No
The Times You Say Yes When You Mean No
You are stirring the bolognese, replying to messages, checking emails, going over schedules and medical appointments, all at the same time. Somewhere in the middle of it, the thought crosses your mind, I should just clone myself.
A message comes in and you reply straight away. It’s easier than leaving it sitting there. Someone asks for help and you say yes without really thinking about it. You keep things moving. On the outside, nothing is wrong, but something feels slightly off.
That’s usually where the question starts, even if you don’t call it that. Am I actually okay with this, or am I just going along with it?
Most people think being authentic is a thing. A big shift. A big decision. A big change. Yet have we become so disconnected from ourselves that we now need someone else to tell us what should be common sense? More often, authenticity shows up in small, everyday moments you barely notice at the time.
Agreeing to something you hadn’t planned for. Replying before you had a chance to think. There’s no real gap in the day. One thing lands, you deal with it, and move straight onto the next, so the default becomes going along with things, not because you want to, but because it’s easier. It’s quicker to say yes than to explain why you can’t.
And it builds, not in one big, obvious way, but as a series of small hold-ups. You clear one thing, and there’s already something else waiting behind it. You’re not behind, exactly. It just never really clears. Nothing major on its own, but enough to catch up with you.
For most women, especially when life is already full, work, home, children, remembering everything for everyone, this is where it shows up. Not in big decisions, but in the run of the day.
It’s usually very simple. You feel it straight away. A small hesitation. A sense that something doesn’t quite sit right. Not loud, not dramatic, just there.
The difficulty isn’t knowing. It’s that everything moves so quickly, there isn’t much of a gap to notice it. The day fills up before you had a chance to check in with yourself. Even a small pause can change that, before replying, before agreeing, just a moment, long enough to notice your first reaction.
If your days feel like that, one thing leading straight into the next, it usually means there hasn’t been a proper pause anywhere in it. A short guided meditation can give you that, just a few minutes where nothing is coming in and you are not responding to anything, a break in the middle of the day where you are not catching up or keeping on top of things.
Inside the Mindful Portal, I share simple guided practices you can come back to when things feel like this, something to help you step out of the constant responding, even briefly.
Because most of the time, you already know. It just gets lost in the middle of everything else.
Helen Barry
Meditation Teacher & Founder, Mindful with Helen
Press and collaboration enquiries: hello@helenbarry.ie
